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Monday, August 12th, 2002
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so much has been goin on lately..all of it is makin me sad // pissed // aggravated.
first - tara makes everything seem like more then what it really is. i finally told her why i dun tell her everything and she got all pissed. she started saying that i was callin her selfish or whatever and none of that was said..i didnt even think about it. grr..great time to fight..right before i leave..and when i get back she'll be gone. :\ o well..what am i supposed to do? i was juz tryin to be honest.
i really dun wanna go to cali now. i told my mom last night i shouldnt have told mellissa id stay for 2 weeks. 1 week would have been enough. im gonna crrrryyyyy. :( and plus it seems like ever since im leaving everything is going wrong. why?
ok..now for the thing thats tearing me up the most - jeff told me that hes movin to wilkes barre. ok..that hurt like hell. see..he works for ch 28 news as a photographer. he got offered a job or whatever in w.b and thaz why hes going. im so heartbroken over it. i know hes not moving out of the state or whatever but i kno that i prolly wont see him again. hes from berwick so now hes juz gonna be closer to his family n friends. why would he come back to williamsport? i doubt he'll come here to see me..he says he loves me n all but i juz dun think he would do that. im gonna miss him soo much..i cant even begin to say. i juz keep thinkin about all the little things hes said/done and i juz start to cry. when we were in the car saturday night he told me he was thinkin and i asked what about and he said that he was really gonna miss this place. *sigh* in the back of my mind i was thinkin 'since he says hes gonna miss it so much, i hope he decides NOT to leave'and i juz keep praying that he changes his mind at the last minute. the worst part is that he leaves while im in cali. grrr..i dun even get to say gbye. hopefully ill get to see him one more time this week. :'(
well im gonna go..i need to organize myself..peacies
<3 þíìñk¡ // jerzie
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Tuesday, August 6th, 2002
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hey there! hows it goin? pretty good here. i really dun got much goin on though. i leave next friday. woohoo. i cant wait to see mellissa and helice. its gonna be so great walking in the house and seeing helices face. mellissa cant wait to see her face either. im so happy. i know im not gonna wanna come back but then a part of me will want to cuz im gonna miss my mommie, vince and daler j. (yes im a lil baby)
jason is coming here on tuesday and staying until i leave. hes gonna go to the airport since its on his way home. how sweet huh? ;) vince also took off that friday so he could go to the airport with us. hes so sweet too. im so loved..lol i think jason is gonna be there when i get home too. not exactly sure.
my mom is being REALLY nice to me. i think its bcuz im leaving. she hates when i go places far away. i must get it from her, huh?
well tara leaves soon ;( i hope i see her before i leave. i know i will though..ill make sure i do. im gonna miss her lotz! ill be goin to ga to visit though.
thaz all for me - i dun have anything else to say..how boring am i? hehe..later!
þíìñk¡ // jerzie
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Wednesday, July 31st, 2002
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hey there kiddoz..whats shakin'? yeah not too much here either..its been rather boring.
im really happy tho rite now ;D this morning my mom told me that i can either go to florida with heather or i can go to cali. of course i chose cali. my moms best friend, mellissa and her daughter live there. i havent seen them like 5 years so of course i rather go there. i told mellissa not to tell helice (shes 8) that i was comin cuz i wanna surprise her. i am so excited. i know mellissa is too cuz i called her at work and told her and like 10 minutes later she called me back giving me my flight info. LIKE WOAH ;) im still goin the same days. the 16th to the 1st. i didnt even have to think about the decision cuz i remembered about 2 years ago i was talkin to helice on the phone and she made me promise her that i would keep my grades up so i could go out there n see her. how sweet was that. i juz never made it out.
ok, anyways y'all know how i was scared to fly right? well now im terrified for the fact that im goin by myself. i know im gonna cry. im such a wuss. make sure y'all pray for me hehehe ;]
okay what else is new..umm nothing! okay that was easy. oh wait..rob did email me and he told me that he loved me and that we would work things out. who said i even wanted to try. nahh, im juz jokin. he really is a great guy but it seems lately that everyone is rooting for jason. hrrmm..i wonder what that means ;D
well im gonna get goin. later gator ;]
þíìñk¡
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did ya miss me at all? aww, not even a lil bit? haha i know you missed me 'ALOT'
everyones been askin for an update but nothin really has been goin on. my life is booooring!
my parents come home tomorrow [sad look] sike im jokin..i actually missed them..hard to believe? yeah, im a 'mommys gurl' i try to keep that a secret tho. =)
jason came here for the weekend. it was one of the best times. i had a lotta fun (get ur minds outta the gutter) he got me a spongebob bobber..ya know, the things were the head shakes. [thumbs up] its soo cool! spongebob kicks major fuckin ass!! oh, we also took daler to the pet store and jason bought her a new collar and toy. she loves it. i cant believe how much she likes jason tho. she usually doesnt take to people like that. she was all over him and then when he was leaving we walked outside and daler jumped in his car and layed down on the seat. she wouldnt get out. aww it was soo cute! shes in love <3 i miss him and so does daler..
i go to florida in 3 weeks. im scared! *hold me* i juz dont wanna fly. thaz one of my biggest fears. i guess i have to get over it huh? once again, i forget what part we're goin to...something - water. grr @ me.
oh cant forget..HI TARA!! i love you babii =)im sry about saturday..i really really am. im glad you forgave me tho <3
well im gonna get goin. i am so bored and i gotta wait for jasons phone call so i know he got home alright. LaTe
<3 þíìñk¡
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Thursday, July 18th, 2002
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i had a very good day!! [big smiles] i didnt do a whole lot but i was with my closest friends.
first katie came over and we hung out for a bit then i convinced her to let me do her hair. hehehe. she wanted red streaks like mine so thaz what i did but hers looks so much better..grr (lol) its looks sooo cute! yew gotta love her. im re-doin mine tonight.
anyways..we decided to go to the fair. we called ashley and her and justine met us there. it was so weird hanging with ashley (sum people know the situation) but it was so awesome at the same time. its like none of that stuff never happened. we were totally cool. we went to the mall after that n then to ashleys to go swimming. well we came here, to my house first cuz ash n justine wanted to see daler and brandy.
it was pretty cool, i hope we do that more often. katie and i are chillin tomorrow tho.
OMGOSH people..yew have GOT to see chopper. that dog got shaved and its sooooo weird to see him. he looks so friggin cute. its like hes a whole new dog. i like him better then way he is now. its the craziest thing tho!
okay yew guys are not gonna believe it..rob is being SO nice to me. im not gettin it. we had a lil fuss thing last night be he called me back and apologized. he called me like 3 times today and he like tells me where hes going..when i got online his away message said "jodie im at the bar ill be home sometime email me and ill call ya when i get back" and then it went on to say something about matt. hes NEVER in his life told me where he was going and he was NEVER this nice to me. hes changed soo much and i so cant believe it. im shocked [shocked look on my face] he wants me to go to the river tomorrow night so katie and i are gonna go..he said he'll get katie the hookup with one of his friends..(hes never been nice to my friends either) heh..
oh oh oh..i bought a necklace at the fair for jason cuz his broke =( then i got a spongebob squarepants (hes kicks fuckin ass) patch to put on the back pocket of my jeans. spongebob is gonna be on my ass hehehehe =) i spent like $10 tryin to win this clifford plush but man that was hard. i juz said fuck it..i was getting very annoyed so i juz gave up..grr
well im gonna go now..gotta do my hair..wish me luck! peace y'all
<3 þíìñk¡
3 months 27 days =)
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today was nothing special..im not down but im not overly excited either..yew catch my drift
rob asked me back out AGAIN! him and i are not a good combination. i called him like he asked and we talked for a lil bit but anyone who knows about our past relationship(s) know that we do not mix. hes such a sweetheart until yew piss him off and it seemed like i was always doing that. he juz has a very very short fuse.
okay on to a different note..my lil daler j. is a very jealous puppy. she does NOT like brandy (our new dog) to come near me. she jumps on my lap and juz barks like mad and when brandy comes near me daler growls and snaps at her. really its the funniest thing bcuz we all know that she is juz a lil piss ant who isnt gonna do shit.i need a video camera cuz she is the craziest. i think she could win me $100,000. hahaha
well i gotta say hey to gary [waves] hes my biggest fan. hehe. he told me today that i needed to update my journal cuz he was goin thru withdrawl..isnt that sweet? haha..hes a trip!
its official..im goin to florida with heather. im scared tho. i dont wanna fly. im such a baby [pouts] i guess i can get over it. im brave [stands big n tall] lmao!
well im gonna get goin. im supposed to call jason at 3am. gotta wake his "shweet ass" up. 'holla atcha girl' PEACE
<3 þíìñk¡
p.s. i had another juicy orange tonight. [big smiles] I LOVE ORANGES!!
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well hmm..its been a couple days since ive written huh? im sorry..im sorry, i know yew have missed me dearly..hahahaha!
anyways..not too much has been goin on. the other night i went out with a friend from work. it was pretty good. we went to club oxygen (didnt stay too long) and then went to dennys and we hooked up with ron n ben (that boy is such a sweetie) then we all juz went to bens house. we juz chilled..i took a couple hits but not too much. kinda regreting it now. na mean?
im goin to florida next month. my friend from work (heather) asked me to go with her. shes the coolest person in this world. anyways, im goin the 17th thru the 31st. i wont be home until sept 6th tho cuz we're staying with her brother in philly for a week. should be pretty kool..
ya know..i never had so many offers from people, asking me to move in with them (i feel so special) i know where im goin tho..no doubt! =) its gonna be scarey.
i gotta thank jason again for listening to me. i feel that we can relate so much to each other and thaz why i feel so comfortable talking to him (i only ever felt that way with one other person but im not bringing her up) i feel so stupid tho when i cry. i get so mad at myself. he can always tell tho and he helps me get thru it..every girl should own a man like him (haha)
we're supposed to get our new dog today but i dunno..depends on what my mom has on her mind. im tellin ya tho..I WANT THE DOG IS PEN 51 *grrrr*
iight im done now..im gonna go lay down for a bit. i dont feel too good. im outtie..peace <3
þíìñk¡
aka hodie ho (but only heather can call me that) =)
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WOW! last night was amazing. oranges rock!!! i never had such a juicier orange before in my life! yummy yummy stuff! =) whew, it took my breath away!!!
okay now that thats off my chest..today was pretty boring. i was up at 9 bcuz my phone rang none stop..yeah i was getting a lil pissed but its all good..
im kinda hoping jeff will come get me tonight since my rents are goin to the river..well thaz if hes actually around. wouldnt surprise me if he wasnt. i guess ill have to call and find out..like i said before, him and i have a lot to talk about.
i guess everything between tara and i are over *heh*
anywho..i wanna go see men in black 2. sum friends told me it was really funny so maybe ill go or maybe ill juz wait until it comes out on video and ill rent it.
jamie was playin too much once again today..he juz needs to take a break. he was complaining that its been a lone time since we've seen other..OWELL deal with it. ill see ya when i wanna see ya and rite now its not lookin too good! =\
well umm..yeah im gonna go now..im outtie..peace love n horniness =)~
--þíìñk¡ *w00p w00p*
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Thursday, July 11th, 2002
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boy today is going slow..i guess thats bcuz i was up at 7. my denist appointment went pretty good. I HAVE THE COOLEST DENIST! he is the best but my tooth is hurtin a little right now. he did tell me today tho that i was one of his best patients and that he loves having me early in the morning cuz he knows after me the rest of his day will go good *blush* gotta love those sweet old men..haha!
the appraisal people came to the house today. they were soo nice! the guy said that we should kn0 by tomorrow if the house makes 140k. they did say that we have a very beautiful home and that it was in really good condition so im hoping that means something good. i have my fingers crossed!
i asked my mom about the house thing today and she tried to explain it to me. iight, she said that the house has to make 140k cuz thats how much we want in a loan. she called and got our interest rates lowered and the loan we want is goin to pay off the rest of what we owe on the house (95k), vinces work truck, the motor home and sum credit card debts. i asked her about paying back the loan and she said with the lowered interest rates the loan will be paid off in 8 yrs less time. *whew* i hope that made sense to yew..if it doesnt then im sorry but i confused myself.
okay kiddos..i have a confession to make! *takes a deep breath* i have an obsession with...lipgloss *big sigh* whew, im glad i got that off my chest. i spent $20 today on friggin lipgloss. i cant help it. i looove it!! i need AAA help..lmao! im so crazy..
i took daler outback today and got sum pictures of her and chopper. very very cute! i gotta get those pics developed cuz i gotta lot of the pocono pictures on that roll. but oh, speaking of daler, i cut her nails today and she tore my arm up. she even made me bleed..geesh, thaz okay i got her back..i painted her nails gold. hahaha thats what she gets but they do look kinda good =)~
my mom told me to juz call off work and go with pauly boy to the beach but i cant..grrr!!! I WANT TO SO BAD! *sniff sniff* =\
well im gonna go eat now..yeah my mom cooked tonight so im in heaven. she makes the best food *hehe* want sum? come on over..she makes enuff for a whole army.
ill catch ya later..peace love n happiness *okay im trippin* lol
-þíìñk¡
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Wednesday, July 10th, 2002
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oh boy, where to start. ive been cleaning A LOT today! my rents have been talkin about this stuff lately (i dun understand it, its juz gibbersish to me)and people are coming to appraise the house tomorrow at 1pm. if it doesnt make it at $140,000 we have to move. i dont get it but thaz what ive been told. we paid $120,000 for it so why does it have to make 140? geez..this shit c o n f u s e s me!!
well okay..another thing that confuses me..i was reading my best friends diary today and in the beginning it said "my so called best friend jodie is turning into a snob. it's all about her life. for once i wish she would listen 2 me, instead of letting it go through one ear and out the other" ok umm..NO! i think shes a lil confused. its all about me? HA! i hardly ever talk about me to her cuz im always listening to what she has to stay. im always trying to help her so how can she say for once she wishes i would listen to her. i really dont fuckin get how she can say that. when she talks its all about her..that never bothered me, i liked tryin to help her but when she turns everything around it pisses me the hell off. i im'ed her and told her what i thought and shes like "how can i help someone when they dont tell me shit" well hmm i wonder why i dont tell her anything..when i do i get called a snob..NOT KOOL!! wanna know the part that hurt the most? when she said "i mean damn, my ex treats me better than she does. but i guess its just meant 2 b like that" now thaz a bunch of shit. she put an away message up and basically said that i chose my bfs over my friends..haha..yeah, for the people who know me, know that i would never do that so i dunno who shes tryin to fool. i rather have my friends (which i do) then a guy. its kind of amusing..
the only thing that really deals with problems is this damn diary. its yewr choice if yew read, i dont make yew so therefore its not all about me..yew make that decision on whether yew wanna know or not!
okay really im over that..corine, brad and jeremy stopped by today..(jeremy is way sexy but hes gay) they wanted me to go with them but i had other stuff to do.
ok..before didnt jamie say that he was done? well why does he still im me and call me?!?!? im not getting it at all and personally its really starting to bother me..BIG TIME. hes kinda like a stalker but i know hes there. grrrrr >:\
i havent talked to jeff..i dunno whats going on. maybe i should call him tonight. i might..if hes lucky!
ive been talkin to pauly boy lately. hes one of the sweetest but i feel bad for him. hes been goin thru a lot lately but i feel really special that he feels he can trust me with his problems. i love listening to him and i think that what he tells me is gonna help me with future relationships. he wanted me to go with him and his daughters to the beach this weekend (his dad has a beach house) and to the alicia keys concert (i would be kinda like the babysitter) but i cant. i have to work =( that sucks!!
i have a denist appointment at 8 am. are they crazy?!?!? i have to get up at like 7-730. geesh, denists have no life what-so-ever. hehehe
jason has this sticker (which he sent me to me hehe) that says "i dont masturbate i juz wash my dick really fast" (sumthin like that right jas?) hahaha how funny is that? okay, maybe im juz overly amused..it doesnt take much tho! =)
well im gonna get goin now..later gator *muah*
PEACE - þíìñk¡
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today was an okay day. my mom disconnected my phone and computer last night so that sucked major ass..computer i didnt really care about but i need my phone!!
last night jen wanted me to go with her after we got off work but i knew if i would have i woulda juz ended up trippin and i didnt wanna get all into that especially cuz i only knew her and reah.
ya know something..my rents piss me the fuck off. i had the whole "yew gotta get a full-time job" talk with my mom saturday and now my stepdad gave me the SPEECH today. he said that i have to have a full-time job by the time the kids go back to school and he said that when i do i have to pay my car insurance, i have to pay for my phone and computer and all this other crap. im like no way! he said i was too old for this kiddy crap yet my mom and him still treat me like im fuckin 12 years old. i hate that. i can not wait until november!
i wish jamie would leave me the hell alone. he gets on my nerves so fuckin bad! i put on an away message up cuz i went out to dinner and this is what he said while i was gone:
Sweetguyinpa: hi
Auto response from giggles12877: out n about
Sweetguyinpa: with jeff
Sweetguyinpa: hes a fuckin loser
Sweetguyinpa: and u know it b/c he never wants anything to do with u unless he wants fucked
Sweetguyinpa: me on the other hand i dont want just sex
Sweetguyinpa: but thats not important
Sweetguyinpa: go ahead jodie
Sweetguyinpa: let him use you as a fuck toy
Sweetguyinpa: what i want dont matter nomore
Sweetguyinpa: so im done
Sweetguyinpa: bye
God! he has no right to talk about jeff. i know i havent said much good about him but hes not that way at all. and another thing..sex is pretty much all jamie wanted when he came over. as soon as he walked in the door he tried to get me in bed. i hate him with a passion. we arent even together and hes all up on me and in my business. if he wasnt so possesive maybe we could have been friends.
i did call jeff last night from work bcuz i was bored but no one answered..hmm i wonder what he was doin. maybe the chick who lives above him came down and spent the night again..i wonder if i have anything to worry about!
well im gonna get goin, im talkin to a lot of ppl on im so im getting side tracked. peace out!
þíìñk¡
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well i never got to see jeff. he broke my <3 again. go figure. =( i juz wish his stupid ass would have come and got me. we live like 2 miles from each other and its not like i ask him everyday. he makes me feel bad about it bcuz he always says "when am i gonna see you again" i got really pissed about it and he had the nerve to IM me and ask if im mad at him. NO FUCKIN WAY..WHY WOULD JODIE BE MAD?!?!?!?! i had 3 smokes in a 10 minute period..and i quit 3 months ago. he stresses me out cuz i really dun know what he wants! i still love him tho..
grrrrr at chris. every decision i make is wrong..everything i say is wrong. well what is right to him? obviously its nothing i do. hes not part of my life so why does he care? well he is a part of it but i mean..well i cant really describe what i mean. i wish i would do the right thing that makes everyone happy.
now i have to give a big thank you to jason. we talked for a few hours last night and in those few hours he helped me a lot. he listened to me and thaz all i really needed..someone to listen and talk to me. =)
well im gonna finish watch my movie and then i got to get ready for work. man..arbys can suck a fuckin dick. if anything interesting happens ill write when i get home. later gator..peace!
<3
þíìñk¡
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well i forgot to call jeff at noon *thanx for reminding me* i layed in bed until like 1:30 this afternoon. i had a lot on my mind i had to thinkin out. i feel a lot better.
my mom and i went to red lobster for lunch/dinner today. it was really good. it was nice juz being able to talk to my mom. its been awhile since we actually had a good conversation. i juz dont like how shes making me quit my job to get a better one. i dont have the best job (arbys..blaaah) but i like who i work with n stuff. =(
i cant wait to get to jeffreys. i really wanna see him. its been a lil while since the last time and it wasnt great bcuz it was outside the grocery store. lol oh wait nvm, i saw him when my rents were in nj. geez, how could i forget about that.
woohoo! im all by myself until tomorrow. my rents are sleeping over at the lot since the nascar race its tonight. wanna party? come over hehehe. they got lots of good stuff here. =) wish me luck on winning the race poll. i could win $360. i won it like 2 weeks ago so im sure if i win tonight everyone will get pissed. GOOD!! they can kiss muh fuqqin ass. the dirty rat bastards hehehe.
well im gonna get goin now. ill write in this thing tonight before i hit the sack. im outtie PEACE
þíìñk¡
p.s. i feel bad for saying that stuff about tim..i guess i didnt mean it but it was jerkish what he did
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okay, my 4th of july sucked big ass monkey balls. now i hate this holiday for two reasons. one bcuz i lost the guy i was dating at the time in 98 on the 4th (rip babi) and two bcuz of tim..what a fuqqin ass. i knew he was too good to be true! he can go to hell!
so well anyways..i was talkin to chris tonight and i was juz messin around when i said i did drugs and he got really mad and basically told me he didnt wanna talk to me. he said he cared about me n stuff. that made me feel kinda special since it was coming from him but i dun get why he does care. we hardly even talk anymore and we never see each other (which btw i think is totally not kool)i wish we could see eye to eye again and like each other like before but i so know that will never happen again. i kinda told him how i felt lonely at times (i miss having someone to call my own, i guess the song "help me understand" by trace adkins really describes it)and i really didnt wanna do that. im the kind of person that is always happy and giddy. i dont want people feeling sorry for me but anyways..he told me that he didnt realize that i was sad n stuff so right now im kinda scared that hes gonna really talk to me now juz bcuz he feels bad. i dont want that at all. i want him to talk to me bcuz he wants to. *sigh* life is juz not fair.
on a good note..i get to see jeffy tomorrow. i called him tonight and he asked me to go over there. im supposed to call him at noon. *dont let me forget* that boy and i have a lot we need to discuss. im not gonna beat around the bush either cuz when i do that we always get off track somewhere and we never talk about what i wanted to.
oh cant forget about jason, [hi baby] *waves* now theres a sweet guy. he always knows how to make me feel a lil better about myself and about my problems. him and i are gonna run away together, get married and have babies. *hehe* atleast someone loves me! <3
well i think i should hit the sack. i wanna talk to jason so i have to get off the net so he can call. its our lil ritual. =)
im outtie..peace!
<3 þíìñk¡
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lonelyteardr0p's journal
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